A sight that I became all too familiar with when the going got tough.
A sight that I became all too familiar with when the going got tough.

In my last post, I kind of gave a brief description of my life and the main points that stand out to me.  I made mention of one of the biggest things who have helped shaped me into what I am today; an engagement that was brought to an end.

Now, most of the time when you think of an engagement that was broken off, you think that it ends on terrible terms; infidelity, lies, etc.  That was not the case in this story.  Randy and I actually ended on pretty decent terms, all things considered.

I started working at Super America in 2010.  I figured this job was not going to last long; I was too shy to be working in a business with customer service as a center of what they do.  I went through my three days of training and trying to branch out to get to know my co-workers and make friends.  I had met all but two of my co-workers by the time I had clocked out on my last day of training; Randy and Bud.

My first night closing the store by myself proved to be an interesting one; drunk people, irritated people, impatient people, and the stress of making sure I was able to get all of my tasks done.  About a half hour before the store closed, I realized that I couldn’t finish out the night by myself — I was too frustrated.  I sent a text to the only person who I knew closed the store on a regular basis and would still be awake because they didn’t have a day time job other than college classes – Randy.  He was nice enough to leave his house at 11:30 at night and come to my rescue.

He was able to lend a helping hand and coached me – taught me – what I could change to help me keep on schedule.  After the doors locked at midnight, he started the small talk — what year I was in at college, what I was studying, what I did for fun, etc.  He was chatty and nice but all I wanted to do was get done and go home and go to bed so I could be at my 8:00 AM class the next morning.

A while passed and we worked a few shifts together while just trying to get to know one another.  Another co-worker had made mention she over heard him talking to someone else saying that he “knew what he wanted” and was going to “do what it takes to get her.” Naturally, I was put off by hearing that – I am a woman, not an object; I can’t be bought, won, traded or anything else of that nature.  I confronted him about it and he was offended that anyone would say that those words came out of his mouth.  We discussed the issue at hand and left it at that.  Time went on and we started to hang out and even though we had nothing in common, he was fun to be around.

We started dating and then realized that we really didn’t have anything in common.  I’m a farm girl; I mud, I fish, I walk, I hike, I get dirty, I work hard, and I break sweats.  He’s all that is city boy; was into the tripp pants fashion, played video games, hated bugs/dirt/mud, didn’t like to bait a fishing hook, only walked places when he needed to and hated to sweat and wanted a shower ASAP if he broke one — ooooooh boy.  I brought him home and realized we had even LESS in common.  He couldn’t hold long conversations with dad, he didn’t get along with my sister, and he didn’t want to interact with anything on the farm.

While all of these things were adding up in my head, I kept telling myself that it would take time until he was comfortable, little did I know that he was already comfortable and things were about to take an unexpected turn.  I never paid attention to his habits or how he presented himself around me.  However, my dad being the loving father that he is, drew my attention to a few things that he, as a father, did not like.  A few of the things that I can remember right off the top of my head: he didn’t have a church background, he interrupted me when talking, he walked in front of me if we were in public (a few paces ahead of me at that), he made me apologize for things that I had little control over (stupid quirks that I have), and talk to me like I was not his girlfriend.  Being that I didn’t see them, I just put it in the back of my mind and decided I was going to start keeping an eye out for them and call attention to them as they happened.  When I did, I would hear “I’ll work on it.” “I can change it.” “I can be better than this.”  OK, then I challenge you to treat me like the lady that I am.

Around November 2012 we got engaged.  Things between Randy and I had gotten better, however, things between Randy and the family and gotten worse.  When I called and told my family we were engaged, they were supportive of me, but not so much the decision.  As my parents said “We will support whatever makes YOU happy.”  At the time, I was a little put off by how cold they were about it but just figured it was a shock to them being that my sister and cousin had also gotten engaged within the last 4 months as well.

We started planning and booking things as time went on.  In March 2013, Randy was offered a job in Sauk Rapids, MN in the IT department at a large business.  Naturally he was all excited to get out in the workforce and get on his feet a little bit; however, I was in a lease and it wasn’t so easy for me to up and leave my friends that I was living with as well as the friends that I was working with.  I decided to stay in Marshall while he moved away.  It was hard, it was a lot of weekends away and a lot of miles put on driving to see one another.  But having him away was also doing something amazing in me – I was discovering WHO I was for the first time.  I was growing out of this little shell I had been in for so long and I was starting to enjoy it.  I confronted Randy with all of this and he was more than supportive.  He had seen the changes taking place and knew that I was happier than I had been before he moved and he was willing to go through the changes with me.  As time went on, we started growing more independent from each other and we found new circles of friends (Well, his stayed pretty much the same, I expanded mine.)  There came a point in time where I felt down in my gut that no matter how good of a guy Randy was and how fun and supportive he was of my decisions, this marriage just wasn’t meant to be.

We sat down late one night and I told him everything that had been weighing on my mind.  He agreed for the most part but also put up a little fight to keep me around.  After a long discussion, we decided to post-pone the wedding. (4 weeks before the wedding) Our friends were so supportive and so understanding that it made the process so much easier. While we were both hurting, they helped us heal.  We finally ended things in October of 2013.  We just knew that it wasn’t going to work between us.  We wanted different things – he was enjoying his time in the city working for a big company and I was content in a small town around people who I knew and loved.  It was hard on both of us.  Being a part of each others lives for almost 2 years and then being apart took its toll.  But, what better time to work on myself than now?  I decided that I  was going to start going to church again, start opening up more with friends and I start to just repair myself a little at a time.

A couple weeks after the final split between us, I was having a rough day.  I was covering my managers shift at work and for some reason, my last conversation with Randy was on repeat in my mind.  The night before I had maybe gotten 2-3 hours of sleep, I had done nothing but cry and hang my head.  I walked into work at 7:30 AM and went and hid in the office right away.  Letting the last few tears fall, I wiped my face and decided that I was going to conquer the day and not drop my head.  No sooner had my cheeks dried up I hear *tap, tap, tap* on the door.  I spun around in my chair, opened the door and came face to face with a man who grabbed my attention right away.  Something about him just caught my eye and I suddenly felt so much better.  I tried to force a smile and all of a sudden, he spoke: “Well, hello!  YOU aren’t Emily…” A grin broke out on my face when I pointed to my name tag and said “Nope. I’m Lizzie.”

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One thought on “You Live And You Learn

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