Since I’ve taken a break from this for a few days, I decided you guys get the idea between Shane and I; everything has been so flawless and so easy that we are so happy and deserving of each other.  But during these awesome happy times, we both fought a time where things weren’t so happy.

While we were both just re-entering the dating scene, we broke the news to the people most important to us – family and really close friends.  Well, me being the social butterfly I was, I opened my mouth to anyone who I considered to be a ‘friend’.  Acquaintances would be a better fitting word in this sense.

I had lunch with a so called ‘friend’ about the time that Shane and I were discussing turning our friendship into a relationship.  I had made mention at the fact that I had met this wonderful man and I was so excited that things just seemed to be falling into place.  I was able to say my piece, and in a matter of 30 seconds they brought me from Cloud 9 down to my knees.  The single statement that they told me was “You are better off with Randal.”  Uh. Excuse me.  There is a reason that our engagement didn’t work out – it simply wasn’t meant to be.

Luckily, our meal was almost done.  By the time I had left our lunch date I was feeling about 2 inches tall.  Someone who didn’t even know the inside story of all of the issues in my engagement and all of the wonderful things that were going on in my life had no room to point the finger at me and tell me how my relationships were supposed to work.

I immediately went to Shane and told him what had gone on.  He listened as I told him how it all played out and how I felt about ‘friends’ like that.  He told me to try and keep a positive attitude and that I didn’t need to surround myself with people who were not going to be supportive of me and my decisions.

Said ‘friend’ has slowly been becoming a smaller and smaller part of my life.  As nice as it is to have ‘friends’, you need to get rid of the ‘toxic’ ones in your life – the ones who don’t support you, the ones who don’t make time for you, the ones to who talk down to you, who are hypocritical, and the ones who tear down your self esteem/worth.  Keep the ones who build you up, support you, and make time for you (or try to).

Now, I’m not sitting here to try to bash said person, because when they were a real friend, they were an awesome friend.  But I feel that if they still wanted to be considered a friend, there would be a real effort made to make up for wrong doings or at least a change of attitude to make up for the cutting down and they would move beyond the old high school bull of “you need to be with so-and-so because I like them better.” when they know nothing more than what I tell of the new joy in my life.

In the end, I’m the kind of person that is willing to forgive and try to move on, on the other hand, Shane is struggling with it.  I can’t blame him.  He deserves to be acknowledged for all the help he has given me by helping me become the strong and faithful woman I am now, not cut down because someone didn’t know him.  Time may heal all – but bitter feelings are hard to get rid of when all you want is acceptance and support.

“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
― Jon Katz

A calming scene from Duluth.
A calming scene from Duluth.

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