I’m sure you have noticed a change in my posts this week.  Maybe you got the feeling they were lacking something.  Passion, excitement, happiness, encouragement?  You would have been correct in assuming that there was something lacking.  As for what I was lacking, your answer would vary depending on what you use my blog for.  Connection, knowledge, support, encouragement, or just a boredom buster.  If I have fallen short of what you were expecting this past week, I’m sorry.

This last week, I (as well as the rest of the family), have been under a lot of stress – mostly from outside forces.

Shane was struggling with a situation with a friend who is in need of support and encouragement while I was struggling in getting wound up too tight in a situation that could cause a great amount of conflict within our marriage and the kids.

We’ve also been struggling with the kids and responsibility.  Their simple chores weren’t getting done so I made a chore chart of things that they should be getting done every day.  Showering, making beds, feeding pets, cleaning litter box, dishes, practicing instruments, etc.  However, they haven’t been getting done.  Instead we battle with arguments, sarcasm, and attitude.

We’ve also been in conflict with Verizon.  Countless run-arounds from agents, misconstrued information, frustrations with their “privacy” policies and lack of customer service.  We’ve talked to no less than 15 people this last week trying to get answers and a resolution.

I’ve also been struggling with being in an emotional low point.  Although all of our conflicts have been resolved and we are slowly working with the kids, I feel like there is a ton of weight on my shoulders.  I know I’m not an All-Star wife nor a great step-mom, but I try.  I feel as if I’m failing my husband as well as M&M.  I’ve been battling so many different emotions but I don’t know how to communicate them.  They’ve been building up inside over the last week and have caused me to lose sleep, have restless sleep, and countless tears.

I also feel as if I’m in spiritual warfare.  We’ve talked about these things in our couples group through church and I felt as if I was prepared to keep an eye out for starting signs.  But it’s almost like you get so busy keeping an eye out for it that you miss it hit you.  I feel like I’ve been forcing myself to pray this week instead of it just happening out of habit.  I’ve been forcing myself to write my blog posts instead of taking enjoyment in it and allowing the words to fall out of my fingers.

Ephesians 6:12 says “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

It says right there that our struggle will be spiritual forces but yet it has caught me so off guard!

However, we have to find the bright things in life and stay focused on those.

This morning, Shane was able to stand up for Jesus towards another vendor he ran across while on the job today.  The guy was respectful and hopefully it has sparked some fire in him.  After Shane got back into town, he said the kids were awake and working diligently on their tasks, our issues with Verizon were all but fixed and my new phone was on it’s way, and he let me get a little frustration out by trying to talk about my feelings.

We were also blessed with our first nephew this morning, and he is incredibly cute!

It takes baby steps to see through the darkness but I’ll get there slowly.

The light is starting to show at the end of the tunnel, it’s just going to be a long ride.


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