Competition is so ugly. Tempers flare, nasty words are exchanged, and actions are taken that wouldn’t have been done under “normal” circumstances. But, it gets uglier when it is between people.
I may not be “old” by many standards of those friends, family, and others around me, but I’ve been around long enough to see competition between different areas of people – most often, family.
When you lose contact or when life gets away on you, people who you were once somewhat close with start to feel as if they were put on the backburner. They begin to read into actions and words and begin to draw conclusions where conclusions should not be drawn. From there, jealousy begins to boil. It begins to overtake all aspects of your life. You can’t enjoy getting together with friends and/or family because you are too focused on what you believe to be true – not what IS true. You start to play out scenarios that may never be.
It becomes the main focal point in your life and you are determined to “fix it” by walking away – because you fell “victim”. You don’t take into consideration all aspects because truth doesn’t matter to you and you feel you don’t have to “deal” with the consequences of your actions because as long as you are happy, that’s all that matters.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Sadly, I have been in this position one too many times and so has my husband and kids.
The largest contributor? Social media.
It has become so large, so ugly, and so misunderstood. It has become an outlet for things such as this blog, sharing pictures of growing children with family miles away, finding little quotes here and there that strike a cord with what you are going through. So, naturally, this get shared onto your Facebook Timeline, your Twitter feed, your Instagram feed, and other outlets that you may have used.
Yesterday, I found a picture that rang very true for Shane and I. We have had so many toxic people in our lives and even have had some in our lives as a couple. To which, we have weeded them out. Toxic people make for a toxic life – a life full of pessimism, anger, and drama. The picture quoted this: “I do not HAVE to allow anyone in the lives of my children. I don’t care if you’re blood. If you’re toxic to me, you are toxic to my children!”
I shared it.
Of course there’s going to be that one (or two) people who see it that feel it was posted against them. Well, it wasn’t. It was shared because it was something I agreed with and something that Shane and I have dealt with. We are not strangers to burning bridges with those people who do not do good to us or for us – individuals from past relationships, friends that had used us for everything we had, old managers/employees/co-workers that thought it would be hilarious to put the kids’ safety in danger.
It was in no way directed at anyone in particular on my page.
But, if the shoe fits, lace it up!
Our friend circle has greatly decreased and it’s been a blessing. We have very few close friends. Personally, I have two women I would consider myself really close to. Katelyn has been by my side since college and has literally seen me at my highest highs and my lowest of lows. She healed me in times of hurt and she encouraged me to go after the things that made me happy.
Holly has also become someone very close to me. Our men work together and are in the guards together. I’ve been able to talk to her about things that no one else would understand unless they have been through it. What makes it even better is that most of the time, we are going through it together.
There are a few other women here and there that I have been getting close with and who I am able to talk to. Especially the ladies I work with. They have been so supportive and so understanding of the things that have happened.
Shane has a few men that he can lean on for support. Men that he has served this country with and men who he has grown close with from church.
Aside from that, we don’t interact with many people for this reason.
The well-being of the children come before our social needs/desires.
So, all of that being said:
You feel it’s best to step away because you feel that you were considered one of the toxic ones? That decision is on you. We offered our peace and we offered a sense of genuine reconciliation, but it wasn’t good enough for you – I’ve never been good enough for you.
But that’s ok with me. I married Shane and as long as I’m good enough for him, that’s all that matters.
I pray that you find a sense of peace. I pray that you strengthen your relationship in Christ because when He is left in control, wonderful things begin to happen. He will open your eyes to the things that you are not able to see. Maybe then you will understand that everything we have said and done has been out of love and has been an extension of God’s love for us.
“God is love. Therefore, love. Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination, love.” ~ Henry Drummond