With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I can’t help but notice the amount of stuffed animals, flowers, candy, and special plans that are listed out on my Facebook, Instagram, and other social media feeds.
I was going through and enjoying what I was seeing. I am happy that people get flowers, candy, and other gifts for Valentine’s Day. But as I was going through and seeing all this, I felt like I got hit by a bus:
If your man or woman only does special things for you or makes plans for you one day out of the year, they are failing the other 364 days.
…that means that you feel special 0.0027% of the year.
I was just having a conversation with Shane yesterday about how I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. That I was a failure. That he deserved better. It was one of those days that was looking like I was going to have a late/no lunch break. I let him know and found out that he had planned something special for us. Being the supportive man he is, he found a way to make it OK. But that didn’t change the little seed of doubt that started.
I failed him. I failed to be able to schedule the day where I was able to take a decent lunch break and allow him to carry out this plan he had…but the car business is unpredictable so we have to work around it.
But as soon as that little seed was planted, I realized not only had I failed to take a decent lunch break, I also didn’t get dishes put away from the night before, I forgot to switch over the laundry, I was distracted with getting the kids to school and the dogs outside that I didn’t get the bed made, I hadn’t swept the floor, vacuumed the rug, dusted the shelves, and I forgot to pull bread out of the freezer for supper. As you can imagine, the list continued to grow throughout the day.
After a long night of letting my mind spin on these things, we sent the kids off to bed and sat in silence. I apologized. For what?
For not getting anything done while getting everything else done, for encouraging M in her speech practices while coming down on her for neglecting her responsibilities to practice before 24 hours before her first competition, for guiding M and giving him room to grow while getting upset that he’s ‘wasting time’ and ‘procrastinating’ when we need some speed in the routine, for loving Shane with everything that I have but still not being enough for him.
As I opened up to him, he just sat and listened. No judgement, a few laughs, and a few shakes of the head.
But when he asked me if there were things that had been done that made me feel like I was good enough, it was almost overwhelming.
Yes; you planned a special dinner for us, you’ve planned an anniversary weekend event, you’ve demonstrated patience, you’ve been understanding, you built us a bed frame with your hands while I was in Texas, you’ve lost sleep to make sure I was OK, you’ve taken leaps of faith with me, you’ve supported me, you’ve blessed me with M&M, you’ve encouraged me when I’ve lost any type of luster to continue, you’ve built me up when I’ve been knocked down, you’ve allowed me to grow, you’ve loved me through every trial and tribulation, you’ve gone out of your way to make sure I’m comfortable and feeling loved, and the list can go on.
He makes me feel like this every day of the year. I never go to bed wondering if I’m loved or cared about. I never question if he is being honest and faithful.
So why, the day before Valentine’s, are all these women raving over feeling ‘special’? Do you not feel loved every other day of the year? Do you not receive the respect that you deserve from your someone special?
When it comes to love, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is the ‘go to’ verse.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
I once read, to know if you have the love that you deserve, replace some of the words with the name:
Shane is patient and kind; Shane does not envy or boast; Shane is not arrogant or rude. Shane does not insist on his own way; Shane is not irritable or resentful; Shane does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
If you replace those words with the name and you cannot say that is 100% accurate in your life, maybe it’s time to reevaluate some things. I’ve been in situations where every single statement was false. I didn’t have patience or kindness, I was surrounded by envy, boastfulness, rudeness, arrogance, resistance to compromise, irritation, resentfulness, and someone who celebrated wrongs instead of doing what was right.
Women (and men too); listen to me:
You DO deserve patience and kindness and endurance.
You DO NOT deserve any type of envy or boastfulness.
You DO NOT deserve arrogance or rudeness.
You DO NOT deserve someone who is resistant to compromise.
You DO NOT deserve someone who is irritable or resentful.
You DO NOT deserve someone who rejoices in wrongs.
While I am truly elated that you have been able to receive flowers, candy, and other things, please keep in mind that you deserve more than 0.0027% happiness and love throughout the year. You deserve to be 100% happy, 100% loved, and 100% special 100% of the year.
Happy Valentine’s Day!