The Journey

If there is one thing that I cannot stand, it is the amount of spouse shaming/venting/complaining that I see when on social media.  I understand that at times, there are moments of frustration, loneliness, anger, irritation, or what-have you, but aren’t their also times of love, joy, celebration, happiness, and other ooey-gooey emotions?

I’m in A LOT of mom groups (well, at least 7) and I often see women tearing down their spouses because after working a 14 hour shift, he came home and sat on the couch to relax a little bit instead of doing this, that, or the other, he ignored a text message or 1,000 because they couldn’t control themselves, or he just hasn’t listened to what their wives have to say about how they feel or what is going on in their lives.

So, to combat this tearing down, I’m going to use this as a brag moment (heh heh).

I have one of the best husbands in the world!  I won’t say The best because I know a lot of you ladies also have wonderful husbands too!

There have been points in time where I felt he wasn’t listening.  Or that even though I was talking, I wasn’t being heard.  One of those times being when I was wanting to get active in starting a toxin-free life style.

***This is the part where this starts to get a little jumpy, so I apologize.***

It all started when I was pregnant with Eli.  I had TERRIBLE morning sickness… well, all day for 19 weeks sickness if we want to be real here.  I was dropped about 30 pounds in the first 19 weeks.  My doctor was starting to get a little concerned that Baby Pete wasn’t getting enough nutrients.  I could barely keep water down let alone vitamins or food. and I had tried every trick in the book to keep anything down.  After the first 14 weeks, I threw out a mom-plea on Facebook to see if there had been options that I had missed.

I received a private message from Kayla, a fellow young mom that goes to our church.  She told me that she does essential oils and may have something that will help me if I was open to trying it.  I was open to try anything at this point.  The following Sunday, she brought me two magic blue roller bottles.  I sat in the back of church (just in case!) and took off my shoes and applied Aromaese to the bottom of my feet.  Within about 25-30 seconds, my nausea was fading and my stomach was starting to settle for the first time.  Later that afternoon, I felt the nausea and stomach starting to flare again so I took the second bottle, Peppermint, and applied it to the bottom of my feet.  Same result.

I used them through out my pregnancy when I was feeling pretty rotten.  I didn’t do much else with them because I wasn’t educated in it and I wasn’t certain if this was a right path for our family.

I started watching her posts on Facebook as well as her mom, Sheila,  posts on Facebook about these oily goodies and how they changed their lives and how they have been able to rid their medicine cabinets of most (if not all) OTC pills and medications.

Soon, Eli arrived and my anxiety hit an all time high.  Was I feeding him right?  Was he too hot?  Too cold?  Is there something bugging him why he can’t/won’t sleep?  Let’s not even mention the thought of returning to work and daycare.  I battled with my anxiety silently.  I knew Shane knew these things bugged me but I didn’t know how to talk openly about it and because of that, he didn’t know the extent.

Fast forward to when my job at the time let me go and my panic was in full swing.  How could a family of 5 survive on one income?  How would I ever find a job in the area with my degree?  Would I need to travel an hour or more one way just to make ends meet?  In that brief period of time, it felt like prayer wasn’t enough.

I hit a point one night where I was talking to Shane about it and threw my hands up and was pleading with God to open some doors.  Literally the next day, a job opportunity landed in my lap. (You can read more about that here.)

As I began my new career, I began to ask Sheila some questions about the oils.  What was in the diffuser?  What did this particular oil do?  Can I just get more general information?  I started getting the feeling like this is what needed to change in our lives.  I was coming home from work stress free, headache free, happy, and at peace for the first time in a while.  I brought the idea up to Shane and after quite a bit of discussion, he allowed me to buy my first kit!

I started using it little by little.  Lavender in Eli’s bath to help calm him at night, Thieves in a spray bottle to clean surfaces, Purification in the diffuser to take the stink out of the house (for those days we forget to take out the trash! HAHA!), Stress Away to literally do what it says.  Then as I started experimenting, I started noticing HUGE differences.  Copiaba on Eli’s gums during teething called for a happier baby.  Lemon in my water, less sugar cravings.  Thieves, R.C., Lavender, and Purification in the diffuser at night called for restful sleep and immune system support for Eli, Shane and myself.  Peppermint to relieve my headaches and sinus pressure.  Then came the wanting to buy more oils; especially the Kidscents line.  The more I researched and read, the more I found a use for all of the oils I had.

Then came the end of November when Kayla was close to making a goal of hers.  I eagerly jumped in to help spread the word to help her meet her goal!  It was such a rush and I loved it.

***This is where I can jump back to what I was talking about above.***

I started telling Shane that I felt this was going to be a passion of mine.  I wanted (and do) share with people (mainly ladies in those mom groups) what the oils have done for us.  It became a topic I brought up often, and I went as far as making a goal sheet.

There were times it felt like I was just blowing smoke and talking to the wind.  However, Shane was very much listening.

I knew I had a Christmas gift coming because he was dropping hints like that it has potential to cost a lot of money but in turn make you money, it doesn’t cost a penny (uhh..refer back to the first clue??), and that people who are close to you are helping me out and you don’t even have a clue (WRONG! I had 2…haha!).  I racked my brain for a week trying to make sense of his cryptic (and confusing) clues.

This last Saturday, we attended my company Christmas party and was presented with my early Christmas gift!  Shane has arranged with Sheila and Kayla to welcome me aboard Young Living on the business side of things.

I am beyond elated that all of my blabbing and excitement and productivity wasn’t wasted.  I am excited to *officially* be a part of Young Living!  I can’t wait to continue to learn, grow, and educate others.

24910060_10156036369211177_725232314302810775_n
My excited mug I took when we got home from the Christmas party and I announced my new business!

To celebrate this awesome journey,  I am offering the first person who decides to take the leap into a health and wellness journey by purchasing a premium starter kit a bottle of Envision! *this will ship separately than your kit because it will come from me with a special note!!*   Also, for a limited time, you may have the opportunity to get your hands on a desert mist diffuser!  This diffuser typically retails for $84.00 so this is an AMAZING deal!  It is only while the Dewdrop is out of stock, so you have a better chance at getting the upgraded diffuser if you order immediately.

DESERT MIST
Isn’t it beautiful??!

Phew, that was a mouth full!  But on top of all of this, that means that my blog site is going to get a tiny ‘make over’.  It will still be about faith, our lives and the journey within it, but now it will also include my oily journey and what we are doing and how I believe that it can help you!

SIGNOFF

Advertisements

Rejuvenation

The step away.  The much-needed breath of fresh air to be able to bond with my new family, analyze where I have been and where I want to go, and to try to find my purpose and drive behind this blog.

If you’ve followed me for any amount of time or ran across my blog in a web search somehow, there is no secret it is faith-based.  I have a strong foundation in my marriage and in our family that is on our faith.  But after having been through some of the things we have been through over the last few years, I would be lying if I said my faith wasn’t shaken a little bit.  Not in the sense that I lost it, but more in the sense of “Why?”  “Why us and why now?”

I needed that time away from the keyboard to come to peace with a lot of things.  Things ranging from family, to work, to faith, to just general anxiety about the new road laid in front of us.

When I last left you, I was about to have a baby.  What an experience that was!  We welcomed our handsome little fellow January 31 and fell in love immediately.  He has such an amazing birth story – one that maybe in time I will tell, but for now, I will just say God is good and blessed us that week.  Everyone, meet our spunky almost 6 month old (where has the time gone!?), Elijah.  ❤

Shane and I have learned a lot over the last 6 months.  He’s experiencing being a dad all over again (and loving every minute of it!).  We are learning Eli is a perfect mix of mom and dad.  Although, he gets his spunky attitude from is Auntie Bee and Uncle Derek. (He loves them too!)

We’ve loved spending the much-needed time with family and watching Eli grow and learn.  But while watching him grow, we’ve also done some growing.

When I returned to work after maternity leave, I worked my tail off for one week fixing errors, making phone calls, and cleaning up messes only to be let go after everything was back to par.  I asked for a reason and they had nothing to lean on other than “Minnesota is an at will state, and we can let you go for no reason.”  Well, ladies and gents, let me tell you why:

They couldn’t handle the fact that I wasn’t able to work 6-7 days a week and 60+ hour weeks while trying to care for my newborn son.  They didn’t like that when it came down to brass tacks, I was not willing to sacrifice my family for the sake of the company.

This was the point where my faith hit a low.  Our new family of 5 was cut down to a single income.  I battled with the fact we (I) were (was) being punished.  I struggled with the fact that God has blessed me with a child I was never supposed to have but it came at a price.  I would even go as far as to say I was angry at Him.  But, really, I had no reason to be.  The job was stressful and thankless.  I had wanted to find a family friendly place of employment for quite some time.  But did it really have to come at this price?

Man, I struggled and wrestled with this for a while.  But over that period of time, I was able to dig into a Bible study called “No More Perfection” and it dealt with the need to be ‘perfect’ in every way.  I knew I was struggling with emotions and feelings so the first thing I did was write this sticky note and threw it in my purse.

18601203_10155399981066177_484009145_n

When I struggled, I’d pull it out and pick one and read.  But there was one I found a couple of months back that I didn’t add to my sticky note.  But it was one I found through another Bible study that really hit home and started the “closure” process for me.

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” ~Hebrews 12:14

That was the point where I started reflecting back onto this blog.  If my goal was to minister to people through real life experiences, I needed to find peace.  I needed that peace for everything that had happened in our lives for the last four years.  I needed to be able to let go of the anger, bitterness, and maybe a small amount of jealousy that I held onto.

Prayer, prayer, and more prayer.  Maybe a few more “why me”‘s in there than I would like to admit, but I’m human.  There are times I cannot process my emotion in a ‘healthy’ way.

Then, after a couple of months of prayer, I found a job that I love.   (Or maybe it found me? (:  )  I mean, it couldn’t be a better fit for what I was needing and looking for.

But all that being said, I still felt like a piece of me was missing, and I knew exactly what it was.  But, I made a promise to myself that I would not touch this blog site again until I could do a couple of things:
1.  Find closure in ALL things.
2.  Find a way to minister without coming off as pushy or gloating
3.  Find a way to love my family and myself the way that God loves us – unconditionally.
4.  Find a way to relate my life experiences with the same experiences that some of you may be going through (this one is going to be tough as we are all at different places in our lives)

Until I could move beyond all the yuck, no one would see the Lord in what I was saying, they would only see me.  I don’t want you to just see me when you come here.  I want you to be able to experience the Truth and see all of the miracles that God can do for you.  I mean, for us, Elijah is living proof of that!

I was able to do 3 of the 4 so now we are here.

After 6 months of prayer, heavy thought, and a push from a new blogger, I took that step.  With a little encouragement from The Soap Box , I signed in, said a prayer, and let my heart and feelings pour out.

I’m hoping that this is just the beginning of a newly rejuvenated blog.  I hope to keep you all updated and post more often as my spirit is led.  ❤

Until next time!

19989631_10155592603311177_5924670286802311616_n

*Please take a moment to hop on over to The Soap Box blog linked in my post.  Also, follow them on Facebook!  I feel a lot of good things coming from them in the future!

**I would also like you to leave me feed back.  Any questions, comments, etc are welcomed and encouraged.  Maybe they will even spark a post for you! ❤

The Art of ‘Perfection’

This morning, I saw something from my past that really brought the last couple of years of my life into a new perspective.

My TimeHop said that 4 years ago, I wrote a status that read:
“It’s not about having a ‘perfect’ relationship. It’s about finding someone who will be there through everything without giving up.”

No.  Joke.

It’s been almost 3 years since Shane and I began this crazy journey that we are on.  Sometimes, I just sit back and think about all that has happened and think “It’s only been 3 years?”  Other times, I sit back and think “That 3 years has gone by so quickly.”

I look back on all of the church events, school events, family trips, lazy evenings at home, and other events that have been such blessings in our lives.  We’ve gained friends, we’ve lost friends, we’ve changed jobs, we’ve had really positive experiences, and we’ve had some not so positive experiences.

But I keep going back to one thing; all of these experiences would have had a completely different impact if it was anyone other than Shane standing by my side.  (Side note:   None of these probably would have happened if Shane wasn’t by my side because my life would have been completely different.)

One of the most exciting things we’ve been through thus far is finding out that our family was growing by 2 little feet.  I found out back in May while Shane was in California that we were expecting a new bundle of joy!  He had his suspicions before he left but anything can happen in those early weeks!  Since he was at training, I was unable to call him so I wrote him a letter and sent him a picture of the “6 week”ultrasound to let him know that he was going to be a dad again!  We battled a lot of sickness and some health scares with this pregnancy but thankfully, through a lot of prayers, we found out at our 20 week appointment that our little BOY was strong, stubborn, and most of all; healthy.  After looking at the few ultrasounds that we have, I’ve decided that the little bugger has my nose and Shane’s mouth.  He is the cutest little thing but of course, my opinion is biased.

profileboy14724390_10154713086111177_2828758071764561062_n

We’ve also been through some not so fun stuff.  I won’t go into detail because while we were able to make our way through it, some of it is better off not shared.  But I will say this on it:

I am really glad that Shane and I have our faith to lean on when things begin to go sideways in our lives.  There has been numerous times throughout the last five months that we have been put in a position where all we could do is pray and lean on His word.  In short, the passage of
“…Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said, I will never leave your or forsake you.  Therefore, we may boldly say:  The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me? … Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” ~Hebrews 13:5-6, 8
is nothing short true.  Man can sit and try to throw things at us to tear us apart, but in the end, we have a mighty warrior on our side who will never abandon us because of all the “junk” in our lives.

But all that being said, my relationship with Shane has not faltered.  Have we had moments of weakness?  Sure.  But never once have I questioned my decision to be with him.  The only questions I ever held were for the outside sources who thought they pulled one over on us.  He has been my rock and my supporter from day one.  We may not have the ‘perfect’ relationship to those who may look at us, but for us, I couldn’t have asked for a better fit.

The same goes for my relationship with Christ.  I am human.  There have been times/are times where I go against what He has commanded me to do and how I should live.  But He doesn’t turn his cheek on me when the going gets tough.  Instead, He stretches out his arms and loves me unconditionally no matter the bumps and bruises that I’ve gathered along the way.

In reality, no one will ever have that ‘perfect’ relationship.  There will be trials.  There will be stress.  There will be outside opinions.  But if you can look at the other person at the end of the day, take a deep breath and say “I love you” and mean every word of it, that’s when you know that you are in the ‘perfect’ relationship.

Silver Linings

Last night I got to be a part of something powerful.  In short:  Everyone has their own story, their own battle, their own speed bumps that none of us know anything about.

Obviously, right?

But think about how often you come in contact with someone and the thought “Man, they are in a bad mood today!” has crossed your mind.  What we don’t know is that they may have been up all night spending last moments with loved ones, they may be working multiple jobs to provide for their family, they may have just gotten horrible news, and the list of things that could have happened is about endless.

Last night, we had our weekly youth gathering.  It was worship night which means the kids get to be a part of fellowship, song, and prayer with one another.  But what I wasn’t expecting was what came of the prayer time last night.

We were asked to ponder things in our lives; struggles that we may be having, things that we feel blessed with, and so on.  As the music started and I began to think about my struggles, I was almost overwhelmed with what I came up with:

Patience/Acceptance
Loneliness/Abandonment (preparing for training events)
Understanding
Selfishness
Feeling unfulfilled
Stress of life
Kids Activities
Financials

 

And that is just a broad/quick glimpse at a few struggles that came across in a roughly 5 minute meditation period.  The feeling was overwhelming and the only way to let some of the “pressure out” was to shed a tear or 10.  But while the tears fell, I felt put at ease a little bit.

“The Lord is the One who will go before you.  He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid or discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Even though we get so wrapped up into what is going on here on Earth, we need not to worry.  He has our plans already made out for us and all we have to do is trust Him to get us through these times of Earthly struggles.

But where there is struggle there is also joy.  During that time of meditation, even though I felt a little beat down, I also found blessings:

Family
Career
Health
Faith
Mercy/Forgiveness/Grace
Education
Freedom
Joy in simplicity
Community/Fellowship

The silver linings to the storm clouds that hover not too far away.

I’m constantly at battle with myself to remember to not dwell on the things that I cannot change.  My need to be in control of my life often gets in my way of letting Christ take over and leading me to where I need to be.

After those few struggles were written down on a piece of paper, we were able to run them through a paper shredder.  We got to “lay them down” at Jesus’ feet.  There was a weight that was just lifted off my shoulders.

Yes, I may still struggle with some of those.  I am human.  But knowing that I don’t have to face them ‘alone’ and that there are little silver linings scattered within my life makes it an easier weight to carry.

No matter what the storms of life throw our way, He always has a plan.

*Photo credit to Google Images.*

That Special Feeling.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I can’t help but notice the amount of stuffed animals, flowers, candy, and special plans that are listed out on my Facebook, Instagram, and other social media feeds.

I was going through and enjoying what I was seeing.  I am happy that people get flowers, candy, and other gifts for Valentine’s Day.  But as I was going through and seeing all this, I felt like I got hit by a bus:

If your man or woman only does special things for you or makes plans for you one day out of the year, they are failing the other 364 days.

…that means that you feel special 0.0027% of the year.

I was just having a conversation with Shane yesterday about how I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him.  That I was a failure.  That he deserved better.  It was one of those days that was looking like I was going to have a late/no lunch break.  I let him know and found out that he had planned something special for us.  Being the supportive man he is, he found a way to make it OK.  But that didn’t change the little seed of doubt that started.

I failed him.  I failed to be able to schedule the day where I was able to take a decent lunch break and allow him to carry out this plan he had…but the car business is unpredictable so we have to work around it.

But as soon as that little seed was planted, I realized not only had I failed to take a decent lunch break, I also didn’t get dishes put away from the night before, I forgot to switch over the laundry, I was distracted with getting the kids to school and the dogs outside that I didn’t get the bed made, I hadn’t swept the floor, vacuumed the rug, dusted the shelves, and I forgot to pull bread out of the freezer for supper.  As you can imagine, the list continued to grow throughout the day.

After a long night of letting my mind spin on these things, we sent the kids off to bed and sat in silence.  I apologized.  For what?

For not getting anything done while getting everything else done, for encouraging M in her speech practices while coming down on her for neglecting her responsibilities to practice before 24 hours before her first competition, for guiding M and giving him room to grow while getting upset that he’s ‘wasting time’ and ‘procrastinating’ when we need some speed in the routine, for loving Shane with everything that I have but still not being enough for him.

As I opened up to him, he just sat and listened.  No judgement, a few laughs, and a few shakes of the head.

But when he asked me if there were things that had been done that made me feel like I was good enough, it was almost overwhelming.

Yes; you planned a special dinner for us, you’ve planned an anniversary weekend event, you’ve demonstrated patience, you’ve been understanding, you built us a bed frame with your hands while I was in Texas, you’ve lost sleep to make sure I was OK, you’ve taken leaps of faith with me, you’ve supported me, you’ve blessed me with M&M, you’ve encouraged me when I’ve lost any type of luster to continue, you’ve built me up when I’ve been knocked down, you’ve allowed me to grow, you’ve loved me through every trial and tribulation, you’ve gone out of your way to make sure I’m comfortable and feeling loved, and the list can go on.

He makes me feel like this every day of the year.  I never go to bed wondering if I’m loved or cared about.  I never question if he is being honest and faithful.

So why, the day before Valentine’s, are all these women raving over feeling ‘special’?  Do you not feel loved every other day of the year?  Do you not receive the respect that you deserve from your someone special?

When it comes to love, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is the ‘go to’ verse.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

I once read, to know if you have the love that you deserve, replace some of the words with the name:
Shane is patient and kind; Shane does not envy or boast; Shane is not arrogant or rude. Shane does not insist on his own way; Shane is not irritable or resentful; Shane does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

If you replace those words with the name and you cannot say that is 100% accurate in your life, maybe it’s time to reevaluate some things.  I’ve been in situations where every single statement was false.  I didn’t have patience or kindness, I was surrounded by envy, boastfulness, rudeness, arrogance, resistance to compromise, irritation, resentfulness, and someone who celebrated wrongs instead of doing what was right.

Women (and men too); listen to me:

You DO deserve patience and kindness and endurance.
You DO NOT deserve any type of envy or boastfulness.
You DO NOT deserve arrogance or rudeness.
You DO NOT deserve someone who is resistant to compromise.
You DO NOT deserve someone who is irritable or resentful.
You DO NOT deserve someone who rejoices in wrongs.

While I am truly elated that you have been able to receive flowers, candy, and other things, please keep in mind that you deserve more than 0.0027% happiness and love throughout the year.  You deserve to be 100% happy, 100% loved, and 100% special 100% of the year.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Nothing But A Memory.

As I’ve gotten older, trying to find the perfect gift to buy my loved ones has become harder.  It’s also become harder for me to decide what I would like to receive as a gift.

Last night Shane and I began discussing things that we have put off for ourselves; things that would make Christmas gift ideas.  I got to thinking and my list was a pencil sharpener, a travel coffee mug, a stamped mothers ring, a hair cut, and a few other small things that just aren’t necessities.

Same with Shane.  He’s been wanting things such as a mider saw, a drill press, a chop saw, wood clamps, U-clamps, and other things that can help with woodworking crafts.

As a couple, things like a bathroom renovation, an over-the-stove microwave and a new mattress/frame for our bed that was damaged in the move became the topic of conversation.

However, since these things aren’t necessary, we put them off.  We save the money and later put it toward something for the kids, gas in the vehicles, or food on the table.

But as I’ve been sitting behind my desk at work, I can’t help but think of how greedy people have become.  We sit in our homes the last Thursday in November every year giving thanks for the things we have, the people in our lives, the experiences we had over the year, and so on.  But within 24 hours, people are standing in obnoxiously long lines chomping at the bit to get the best deals on big screen TV’s, video games, clothes, shoes, toys, home decor, and more.

Why?

Why do we feel the need to buy a large amount of gifts for those in our lives in order to celebrate a holiday that has nothing to do with material items?  So we can “buy” the love of those around us?  So we can “flaunt” the money in which we may (or may not) have had?  So that we can try to out-do one another?

As we crawled into bed, I heard Hugo walking around downstairs followed by the jingle of his tags laying down on the floor, I heard Marley curl up on his bed next to my bedside table, and I knew the kids were fast asleep.  I began thinking about the next couple of days.

One more day of work before a day off, a trip up to visit my sister and brother-in-law and parents over Thanksgiving day,  and another day of work rewarded by an annual tradition that evening.  I couldn’t help but smile a little bit.

Because through all of the hustle and bustle that has become our lives, we still strive to make memories, we still find joy in the little things going on in our lives, we strive to carry on traditions and throughout it all, actively practice our faith and give honor, praise and glory to Him for all that he has blessed us with.

We treasure the memories over the material items.  We would rather build a foundation on Him than functionality of expensive goods.

Just after having 12 hours to think it all over, straighten it all out in my cluttered little brain, I have finally finalized by Christmas wish list:

Nothing, but a memory.

That’s What It’s All About.

I’m not one who usually gives good advice.  This post is no different but I’m going to give it my best shot!

There was a young woman on here who was asking advice for a “going to be newly-wed couple”.  As I was looking through the comments and I saw things like never go to bed mad, always forgive, pray with one another, be respectful, make compromises, take advantage of the free time you have together, make memories when you can and so on.  You know, the generic advice that we see people giving newly married couples.  As good as some of this sounded, I felt like they were missing something of value.

So I prayed on it for a couple of days.

Having worked in the management position that I did, I dealt with a lot (and I mean A LOT) of people on a daily basis.  I would strive to make relationships with those people who regularly visited our store and made a conscious effort to genuinely care for how their day was going, how their boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/husband/wife was doing, how their weekend went, etc.

It wasn’t until I started noticing a pattern in couples that had dated for a while (past relationships of my own) and engagements that were ending that I found a common pattern.

To the public, everything seemed “fine” or “well”.  But was that the truth?  In my case, no.  But I felt that if I were to admit to anything different it would be a sign of weakness.  But, since I knew what wasn’t “fine” in my relationship, I could easily pick up on when other relationships weren’t “fine”… I knew the tricks to hide it all too well.

I heard over and over again “It was because HE didn’t want to (insert something he didn’t want to learn, listen to, be a part of, etc.)” or “It was because SHE didn’t take me seriously.”  Out of 6 years of working with the public, only once did I hear “It was because he didn’t love Christ as much as he loved me.”

I wish I would have had enough courage to call that out when it was happening in my own life.  Sure I had my ups and downs with my faith but at the time when I needed support and growth, I wasn’t getting it and it formed a wall.

All to often, relationships are one sided.  People are selfish and only care for what they want and if it doesn’t benefit them in some way, it doesn’t get done, said, or looked at.

So, after having prayed over this young woman’s question for a couple of days I came up with this for her advice:

It’s not about you, it’s not about him, it’s about Him.

Cryptic, right?  Well, I got artsy-fartsy the other night and made images to show:

To the public, this is how your relationship may be viewed.  You are seen as a couple that nothing can come between.  You seem happy; like you have it all!  You’ve got this all figured out… right?

Maybe to the outside.

On the inside, you see things such as disrespect, anger, evil thoughts, addictions, bad attitudes, video games, jealousy, anger, lust, temptation, use of pornography, money, greed, laziness, lies, media, little/no faith, and the list can go on and on.  Before you know it, these things that once seemed so “little” have formed a wall that is much bigger than you are, bigger than your significant other is.  It is so powerful, that it begins to tear you apart, compromise is all but in the past and there is “no saving it”.

For those who don’t have faith or haven’t found faith yet, this may seem true.  The driving forces in your relationship are so strong, the only way you feel you can fix it is by breaking it.  We’ve all been there at one point or another.

But what you don’t see (and probably can’t with the resolution of the picture) is that there is a cross right in the middle.  There are promises that were made to us by Christ’s suffering and death on the cross.  He died for our sins; so that we may be forgiven.  God has also given us the gift of eternal life through Christ.

If you put the cross at the center, all these seemingly “large” issues that were driving wedges now don’t seem so tough.

Romans 6:23 says “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

All that we have to do to accept Him is to put our selfish and sinful desires away, focus on Him and how we can lead better lives for Him.

From there, things in our relationships will begin to fall in place.  You will bring out the best in one another, you will begin to compliment one another, you will begin to find happiness in things that only brought you pain before, you will begin to encourage one another without saying a word.

If you don’t allow yourself to see the good in things, all good things disappear.  You become so focused on the negatives over here when there are all sorts of positives happening over there and you miss out on the good of those things.  Slowly, all of the negative drags you down and it becomes a long, slow crawl up if you don’t have help from Him.

So,

Long story short:

My advice to ANY couple; married, dating, engaged, is to stop putting yourself first, your spouse second (or even your spouse first and yourself second) and begin to put Christ first.  The rest will fall into place.

It’s not about you, it’s not about him, it’s about Him.

The Perfect Ten.

Last night, I curled up on the couch and turned on Dancing with the Stars (DWTS).  For those of you who watched it, you know how emotional the episode was.  It was “Most Memorable Years” for the celebrities.

Turn by turn, each celebrity stated their year and told their story behind it.  The top two (in my opinion) were Tamar Braxton and Bindi Irwin.

Tamar chose the year 2012.  She was taking a vacation with her husband, Vince, when he started to complain about not feeling well.  They ended up in a New York emergency room where they found out that he had multiple blood clots in his lungs.  They put him in an induced a coma for 40 days and Tamar stayed with him the whole time.

One thought that Tamar expressed is that she wasn’t sure how she would be able to live without the love of her life should he not pull through.  She then stated “I will forever be grateful because I don’t even know what I did in my life to be blessed this much.”

She hit the nail on the head!

There are times where I will just sit and stare at Shane and begin to think of all the memories we have made and all of the memories we have yet to make.  There isn’t a day where I don’t thank God for giving me the gift of a husband and the kids.  I would be devastated if something were happen to any of them that would be life threatening.

Then, the last dance of the night was Bindi.  Thank goodness she was last because I don’t know if I’ve ever cried so much watching a segment of a show.

The year that Bindi chose was 2006; the year that her father, Steve Irwin, passed away.  She was only 8 when he passed away but she showed such strength and support for those around her.  She was able to use her fathers death as a way to prove how short and how precious life is.  This dance that was so filled with high emotions earned her the first 10 of the season!

So, being the “thinker” that I am, I turned to Shane and asked what his most memorable year was.  I was thinking something along the lines of the years that the kids were born, the year he was sworn into the military, or even the year that he defended our freedom.  To my surprise, he said “The one we are currently in.  Look how much has happened!”  Well, he’s right.  So far, from October 2014-October 2015 we have gotten engaged, got married, redid the kitchen in our rental home, celebrated gains, mourned losses, bought our first home, took a vacation, and celebrated our marriage with family and friends.

But then after he shared his, I got to thinking, I can’t even narrow down to my most memorable year because I have memorable years.

To begin, 2007.  Yes, you read that right.   I was 17 and a junior in high school.  I went through some trying times and learned quickly that the “All-Knowing” teenager really wasn’t all that knowing…about anything.  After some counseling and a decision to become a born again Christian, I began to turn my life around.

2012.  I entered my first engagement.  At the time, it was a very exciting time for me.  But, looking back, my heart wasn’t in the right place and we were in a relationship where we did not bring out the best in each other.  In fact, it was quite the opposite – I sacrificed a lot of my hobbies and my wants to satisfy his addictions and needs.  Which, at the time, didn’t seem like a big deal.  But paying $15 per month for a game where you have to spend a minimum of an hour to even start advancing started taking it’s toll on my pocket book as well as my health, my job, and my relationship with him.  There were also times where there were situations that were not handled with respect and care when they should have been.  “Be slow to speak” has never been more true.

2013.  I ended the engagement with less than 4 weeks to go until the wedding.  What drove me to that point?  Well, him taking a job 2 1/2 hours away from where I was working and moving away.  I had a lot of time to sit and think about who I was and what I enjoyed to do with my time.  Being with him wasn’t what I saw in my future.  I didn’t want to be in a big city (remember, farm raised.  I don’t do well with city traffic or congested housing), I didn’t see myself working at a high end retailer, bank, or high end anything for that matter.

I spent 3 months doing a lot of soul searching, a lot of praying, and a lot of recovering.  I had been praying to God to send me a sign that I was on the right path or to show me what I could have if I continued to follow Him.  In November 2013, He showed me who my husband was going to be.

2014.  I began to take a journey with Shane.  We only stepped foot onto a path pleasing to God knowing that we were both ready, that we both had the same end goal in mind, and that we would hold each other accountable to the other as well as to Christ.  We began supporting one another and walking alongside one another while still trying to uphold our morals and values that we held so close.

2015.  I got engaged to and married my soul mate, my best friend, I inherited 2 children who have been such blessings.  We were able to find a home that fit perfectly every need that we had.  We’ve enjoyed being a family and experiencing things that we both once only dreamed of.

Each of these years had a significant hand in molding me to who I have become today.  Each year being a stepping stone to prepare me for the next.

Like Tamar had stated, I’m not sure I will ever know what I did so right in my life (when I felt like all I was doing was wrong) that lead me to being so blessed.

In my opinion, the Judge ruled, and gave me the perfect 10.

But no matter what we go through or what we experience, I will give thanks to the One who made it all possible.  And much like the dancers on DWTS take the judges comments as things to improve on over the next week, I can take what He has shown us we need to improve on and strive to better please Him.  I will never be His perfect 10 because I am human and I have a sinful nature.  No one will be able to be His perfect 10; there is not one person without sin.

Life is truly precious and we need to embrace all that He has done for us and begin living for Him instead of living for ourselves.  He truly does wonderful things when He is put first in your life.

What year(s) do you feel were your most memorable?

Cross The Line.

Have you ever really sat back and thought about everything that a line can do?  It can be a barrier, it can be a way to organize things, it can cause division among things, or it can be a path to follow.

For example, the lines on the roads.  If they are followed correctly, they guide traffic safely.  However, you remove those lines, there becomes chaos.

There are figurative lines when we talk about personal boundaries.  Nobody can see them, but you know they are there.

But what about when it comes to faith?  Christ drew a line for us to follow:
“Jesus told him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me’.” ~John 14:6 HCSB

He gave us a very black and white statement.  No one can get to the Father unless they believe in Jesus.  But this is where the line gets blurred for some people.

See, you can either be on one side of the line or the other – either you believe or you don’t – there is no grey area.

There are those believers who claim to be believers but do not show actions of a believer.  In other words they do not show Christ’s love, they do not pray for others, and/or they do not give up complete control of their lives to/for Christ.

On the other hand, you have those who are believers and show Christ’s love to the best of their Earthly ability, they pray for others – especially those who come to them in need, and they offer their whole lives to Christ.

I will not sit here and say that it is easy for me to turn over complete control of my life.  After all, who could keep up a schedule like ours if you have zero control over it?  Well, the answer is simple – He can.

I gave up complete control of my life in early 2013.  Up until then, I was one of those believers who said they believed (and I truly did) but I did not show it.  I did hide behind my faith.  I was scared to offend those around me who didn’t believe.  As soon as I gave up control of my life, He started to do some pretty amazing things.

He brought me out of an abusive relationship.  He healed my broken self into something that He could use for His glory.  He called me back into an education program that I loved.  He gave me a job offer that allowed me to escape the daily grind of a gas station.  He allowed my path to cross with a man that I had only dreamed about.  He showed me a way to share my life story, my faith story, and my heart on a public forum.  He lead us to a home church.  He has done it all.

The difference between the “new” believer in me and the “old” believer in me?  The old believer believed that Jesus was my Savior.  The new believer in me believes that Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  They key difference being the word Lord.

One of the definitions of the word Lord is “act in a superior and domineering manner towards someone”.

I have began to follow His greatest command for us: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” ~Matthew 22:37
He has come first and foremost in my life – even during times that I wish I could maintain control.  I cannot do it without Him.  He knows what I can handle and He knows that I need Him to help me through.

Do you hold Christ above yourself or do you feel that you come first?

We saw the line that Christ gave us – “No one comes to the Father except through me.”

If you have not accepted Christ and your Lord and Savior, do you feel that he is going to let you to the Father off of some excuse as to why you felt that you were superior to Christ?

When He stretched out his arms on that cross, He forgave all of our sins.  That shows us that not one person should be viewed over the other.  We are all sinners and we have all been forgiven.  So why is it that people still feel that they can control when Christ is in their lives and when he ‘doesn’t need to be there’?

Wonderful things begin to happen in life when you decide that you want to give up complete control.  Until then, His arms are still stretched open waiting for you to realize that He is the way, the truth and the life.

“No one comes to the Father Except through me.”

Which side of the line are you on?

*Blog topic credit goes to Shane.  Thanks, love!*

Warning: If I Were The Devil.

Paul Harvey released this essay back in 1965.  It’s just a little scary how accurate he was.  Never did I think that our country would be headed down the road that it is.

What are your thoughts?

*Please discuss respectfully.*